Mentality (My Biggest Demon)

Hi people! Its been a couple days since my last blog post where I talked about Smash Bros. Um, honestly, I’ve been wanting to make this post for a couple days now, but I have been really lazy. During those times being lazy, I decided to at least make ideas on what I’m going to say in this post. Today, I will be talking about the biggest hurdle in my life (so far). That being mentality. “the characteristic attitude of mind or way of thinking of a person or group.”, mentality has always been a struggle for me since 2013 (aka 4ish or a little more years). In this post, I’m going to discuss my journey with this issue, how it impacted my life, and the lessons I learned from it.

Imagine a small ball, and overtime it grows when you don’t want it to. That’s how mentality has been for me ever since 2013. 2013 was around my 5th and 6th grade years of school. 5th grade was actually my first time trying to focus on my “studies” or whatever you consider studies in the 5th grade. Before I didn’t really try as I didn’t care too much about school. If you were a parent, you would probably be like “I ain’t gonna let my child be a dumba** when he/she grows up”. That was pretty much my mom. Like most parents, she would take away things like my games and whatnot if I wasn’t successful in school. Not wanting my stuff taken away from me, I had to go tryhard. It actually payed off in the end. I got a taste of what being a “A+ student” was for the first time. I felt a sense of accomplishment and my mom was super proud of me. I didn’t get any sort of bad grade the entire year, so I never experienced what “failure” was. The more I think about it, that was kind of a mistake to be trying hard that year. Next year was kind of mixed, I was either getting As or like Cs or Ds. The Cs and Ds mainly came from tests exclusively, barely anything else. Since at the time, we were forced to show our parents the papers that were graded, I got yelled at alot. My mom was pretty disappointed when I came back home with a low grade. It was my first time experiencing what failure was. I never liked being yelled at, and to this day, I still hate being yelled at by someone. My mom got furious, and I would think I have “failed” her and I was a worthless son. This is where my mindset on things started to get shaky. Eventually, my mom caught on with me being super sad and scared whenever I don’t meet up to her expectations. She decided to take it a bit easy on me, (ty mom btw), and she stook with that since.

After 6th, I was pretty much normal. I didn’t care if I failed, I just told myself oh well, there’s more options that can you do to redeem yourself. I wasn’t stressing on my grades too much, so my mentality in 7th wasn’t bad. However though, I was quite the “rager”. Aka, I got mad at almost everything that I what I thought was offensive to me or just in general. I don’t know why, but I got mad at everything except grades LOL. Looking back its pretty funny, because I was literally mad for no reason at times. Everything was just fun and games. Idk, for some reason I took things super seriously in moments where it I really shouldn’t. I assume it was just growing up, and it took me the entire year to realize I am an idiot. In general, 7th grade was pretty chill for me as a person, and was a good year overall.

Now we get onto 8th grade, aka 2015-2016, aka 2016, the worst year of my life (so far at least ;-;). This was the year my mentality became “unstable” to put it the least. To this day, it still kind of hurts to talk about 2016 and what happened that year. And the thing is, if you looked at my 2016 on paper, it wasn’t too bad. Just some unfortunate events here and there. Well, if you got the full context of my 2016, which I will only explain at least most of it and not all of it because I don’t really want to spill the full beans unless I know you at bare minimum 90% well, then you can understand how it was horrible towards my mental state. Most of my close friends (they know who they are), know the full story of what happened. So, to the new readers, here’s most of the story. Beginning of 8th grade wasn’t all too bad, it felt like 7th grade but I fixed most of my anger issues. It wasn’t until November, I decided to do what I think now was really fcking stupid. To cover up the “full details”, I decided to go for a “random goal” (yeah my friends know where this is heading). At first I didn’t think too much into it. I was like, “Eh, its whatever, might be possible idk”. Overtime, it took a tole on me. I started to feel like I can’t accomplish this goal of mine, and started to doubt myself. This is when the “ball” I mentioned early grew to its peak. 2016 starts as a 8th grader, and I begin spiraling into the void of “limbo”. Limbo is a place where, in my perspective, you have 0 faith in yourself as a person, ignore what good things you’ve done in your life, and focus on the bad and call yourself a failure 24/7. I begun to wake up in the morning super depressed, but I would try to hide it at school. I began to distance myself from social interaction with friends, I ate way less (AND I LOVE FOOD). I thought every quality about myself was poor, I had no motivation. My friends would worry about me, but I wouldn’t reply. Even the things that made me happy like playing games or whatever, I had no interest in doing them. Comes February-March of 2016 and all of a sudden my mentality kept changing. Some days I would be super depressed or I would actually be happy and have confidence. It was weird, fluctuating between those two types of mindsets. I didn’t understand how I was suppose to feel at this rate. I also had a long depression cycle during those months, and I didn’t say a word to anyone about my issue. I eventually made this journal, of what my issues were and this “goal” I was so fixated on. I would share it here, buuuutttttttt, it is WAY TOO PERSONAL, like REALLY PERSONAL. My closest friends haven’t even seen it. As of right now (1:36 pm 6/22), reading the journal I made hurts my soul. And I don’t visit it because I always get PTSD from 2016. Anyways, back on track. Middle of March-April, I started to feel a little more “myself”. I stuck with a mindset of “lets see what happens”. Failure did look scary to me still, but not as much. I had great friends that distracted me from all of the depression I had. In my opinion, if I had never went to my friends, I would either be still depressed or even dead. I have to thank them alot, especially dealing with me being “emo” and stuff. Those months were actually a reliever, I thought the mentality issues were gone.

May of 2016, is where everything went crashing down, turning into broken pieces of my hopes and dreams. The “goal” I set myself that year, I wasn’t able to accomplish it. I felt like a total loser. I tried my best to see if I can do it, and all of it went downhill. And that type of mindset carried on all the way from June-September of 2016. When I just wanted to be happy, my mentality pretty much said no. It was something I couldn’t control, and not having control made it 10x worse. That summer was just pure sadness that I don’t want to go back to again.  2016-2017 was 9th grade. First half, I still was a bit shaky from the summer and 8th grade so I was kind of sad during the first few months. The middle portion of the year, I felt normal, just focusing on not failing at school. The ending portion was mixed. Some days were good, some days were…yeah you get the point. And now, I am here writing this.

My mentality nowadays, is going I think pretty well. I know I still have a lot of things to improve on, but I have a general idea on what my mindset should be. If failure happens, oh well thats life. Some great things are there in life, it just takes time and patience. If I ever got “tilted”, I would just think that things are going to be fine. Failures happen for a reason and better and amazing things are out there for everyone. As for your inner demons, you can’t 100% conquer and beat them to the point where they never come back. They will always be there. Its just how you handle them later in life that makes you “beat them”, not letting them stop you from being happy and, who you are. :]

Thank you for reading ! :]. It was difficult to write all of this because I don’t like looking back at these types of things, but hey. It might’ve been long for you to read, and you probably skipped most of it LOL. I just think there is some things that you can either relate to, or even learn idk. So, I guess that sums up about everything I wanted to say. Oh, I actually think I have a schedule in mind for this blog. I want to post at least 2 times a week, so expect a post every Tuesday and Thursday. I also need ideas for future posts please!!!!! So lmk what you want me to talk about. I also have “music of the week”. I think for mobile, MotW shows up at the very bottom of the website. So check there if you want to know my music taste and make fun of it. If you want to recommend music to me as well, that’s appreciated as well! I’m willing to listen to most music. Now I think I have everything I wanted to cover. Thanks for stopping by! :]

-Geri

Future topics:

-Get to know more about me

???

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Smash Brothers, a game like no Else

Hello people! So, originally I was going to make a blog post discussing mentality, and how it has been kind of a “hurdle” in my life, buutttttt, a tournament series called 2GoodGamingChampionship (2GGC), hosted a tournament called Nairo Saga. This tournament was specifically based off the top Super Smash Bros. for Wii U (or SSB4) player Nairoby “Nairo” Quezada , and was considered a big tournament due to the attendees there. I’m a fan of Super Smash Bros., so I pretty much had to watch it in most of its entirety. I can gladly say, watching it, especially Top 8 singles, was SUPER AMAZING. Probably the best Top 8 for SSB4 in 2017 since Frostbite (another tournament) imo. Nairo Saga’s top 8 was amazing in my opinion because, literally, everyone in the top 8, both winners side and losers side, played absolutely phenomenal. The gameplay was stunning to watch, and the commentary was fantastic and very informative. I highly suggest watching the top 8, (if you have the time of course), right here once you finish reading the blog post.

From looking at the first paragraph and pretty much the title, I will be talking about Super Smash Brothers, and why I love it so much. For the people who were confused on what the hell I was talking about in the first paragraph up to now, Super Smash Brothers is a video game series that includes a diverse cast from the Nintendo Universe (like Mario, Link, Pikachu, Samus, Ness, etc), as well as third party characters (like Pac-Man, Megaman, Sonic, etc). The object of the 4 part series is fighting opponents in a “type of box” or stage, and seeing who can deal more percentage. You would think that “Health bars” would be a thing in the game, and whoever reaches zero health wins. Smash Bros is a “tad” different. Each player has a percentage, starting at 0%. The more attacks you deal to the opponent, they gain percentage. Once they are high enough, lets say 110%, the more likely they are going to be blasted farther towards the “end sides of the boxes” or blastzones. You usually repeat the process whether it is timed during casual play to see who can get the most “stocks” or lives, or use the competitive format, which is usually different throughout all games. Smash Bros. was never really intended to be competitive, it wanted to be a party game that you can play with friends and family. I’m pretty sure most of you reading this are in that audience, but another audience built a foundation which later became “the competitive Smash Bros. scene”.

The competitive scene really didn’t exist until Super Smash Brothers Melee for the Nintendo Gamecube came out in 2001. Once that scene became “huge” or what considered huge for competitive gaming around 2005, the competitive drive spread through the “new releases” and years in Super Smash Brothers Brawl for the Nintendo Wii (2008), and Super Smash Brothers for Wii U/3DS (2014). While Brawl doesn’t really have competitors playing it anymore, Super Smash Brothers for the Nintendo 64 (1999) as well as both Melee and Wii U still is trying to reach the level of eSports other games have like Street Fighter, League of Legends, etc. Its still very shocking that 64 and mainly Melee is still trying to improve and grow after SO MANY YEARS. The dedication the Smash community has is beyond anything else. Tournament settings were hosted in churches, basements, all the obscure places you think of to have a “competitive” what was meant to be party game being held at. Now a days, tournaments are hosted in huge venues and theaters. The community lives and dies for this franchise, because its different from other titles. Its special to us, it changed some of our lives.

Now that you semi understand some history on Smash, I can now discuss my journey with the game and why I love it so much. At that time, that time being 2012-2015, I was always a handheld type of person. I loved Pokemon at the time, I mean I still do, but not as much as before. I’d play Pokemon pretty much everyday, whether casually or competitive. Yes, Pokemon has a competitive scene as well LOL. Anways, I was never really interested in fighting games. I always thought they would be super complicated to learn, so I never really wanted to try them out. I heard about Smash Bros. around 2014 I believe, by one of my friends. They told me it was a great fighting game, but once I heard those words, I immediately lost interest. I actually got to play one of the installments, that being Melee, for the first time in 2014. I remember most of what happened. It was at my friend’s house, and we just finished a science fair project I think. We sat down to play Melee, because I never played it and my friend loved it. He gave me this confusing looking controller, which I would eventually know as a Gamecube controller. Once the game was booted up, I saw the roster of characters. I had no clue what in the world most of the characters were. I only knew Mario characters and Pokemon characters. Everything else I didn’t know who they were. I picked either Jigglypuff/Pikachu/or Mewtwo, don’t exactly remember. My friend selected the stage “Battlefield”, which was a stage that included 3 floating platforms, and had a space themed background. Not knowing how to play, I did the most optimal thing when you don’t know how to play a fighting game. MASH ALL THE BUTTONS ON THE CONTROLLER. After like 5 minutes, I was pretty much done with the game and said this is impossible to play. I would be informed that I actually ruined my friend’s controller the next day lmao. I hadn’t touched any sort of Smash game since.

In summer of 2015, I decided to try it out since my newly made friend played it alot. Yes, I have friends btw. WOW WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT. Anyway, I had a 3DS, and Smash Brothers for 3DS existed. I decided, lets try this out again. So, I got the demo version on my 3DS. There was very limited options in the demo, and only 4 characters to choose from (Mario, Pikachu, Link, and Megaman). I decided to choose Link because I always had a fascination with sword type characters. I always wanted a lightsaber from Star Wars, or like a crazy sword weapon from Power Rangers when I was young. Once I picked my character, I saw a stage select screen, that ONLY HAD ONE STAGE. The stage was called “Battlefield”, which sounded very familiar. The game started and well, I enjoyed it. Took me a little bit to understand how the controls worked, but I got kind of used to them. Also the controls in Smash are different from other fighting games. There are standard ground attacks, aerial attacks, smash attacks, and special attacks. Sounds complicated I know, I felt your pain when I got the demo. After a few days of playing it, I decided I should buy the full game. My friend was ecstatic about me finally getting a true feel of what Smash Bros really is. Once I got the game, the rest was history. I played the 3DS version for 4 months, until I got a Wii U for Christmas in the same year.

During those 4 months of playing 3DS Smash, I found this video which would spark my interest for the competitive scene. It had a blue and black background. With a sword character named Marth (from the Fire Emblem series). The video was named, One Of A Kind | A Mew2King Marth Combo Video by Royal22.  This video was a series of clips of the Smash Bros player, Jason “Mew2King” Zimmerman, playing Marth and doing what I thought were insane things (combos) to his opponents. The background music was a Legend of Zelda remix, and actually fit pretty well with the clips that were used. I had a spark after watching the video, and wanted to do cool combos like Mew2King. I knew all the combos were from Melee, and I didn’t have that game. I then decided, I am going to try my best to replicate that amazing gameplay onto Smash 4. I picked up Marth and loved the character since. That combo video also got me to watch competitive Smash Bros. I watched Melee and played Smash 4, and then realized Smash 4 also had a competitive scene in the Wii U version. And, well, now I’m here.

There is still alot of things I want to do that are Smash related. Like, going to a tournament, and I want to pick up Melee competitively eventually. For now, I still will love the franchise as a whole, and will watch the big tournaments that are streamed on Twitch. I guess that brings an end to this very long blog post. But, just wait for the mentality one, that one is going to be lllooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg. That’s a topic I can talk about for hours on end. Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed reading this entire thing. Or you just skimmed through it and just reading the last paragraph, smh. Its whatever, I understand that you don’t want to read all of this. But, I recommend trying to learn about something that I love from this post. IF YOU ARE A MORE VISUAL TYPE OF PERSON, AND LIKES TO LEARN FROM VISUALS, THEN I HIGHLY RECOMMEND WATCHING THIS 4 HOUR DOCUMENTARY ON SMASH BROTHERS RIGHT HEREI should’ve put that at the beginning huh…. oh well heh. So that wraps things up for this post. I still have yet to make a schedule, but I want to be consistent with these over the summer. Give me ideas to talk about please. Thanks for stopping by! :]

-Geri

Here are the upcoming topics that are confirmed for future posts:

-Mentality

-Know more about me

-My step dad (for fathers day since that is around the corner) nvm think it would be kind of weird lol

GIVE ME IDEAS TO DISCUSS PLEASE!

Sup with it.

The title explains most of what this post is going to be about. So, to start off, welcome to my newly created blog with the help of this website WordPress. I never really had the idea of making a blog until I saw some pro Super Smash Bros. player creating one, talking about well of course smash, but some of their personal life. I was like, eh what the heck, why not. I always thought blogs were pretty cool, considering the writers behind them write so many personal things about themselves to share to the world. Back then and kind of still now, I never really wanted to “leak” information like that because like, I don’t want people to know all the details about me and its pretty weird that some people that you aren’t “true friends” with know so much about you. But, I guess that type of mentality will change as I write more here.

Moving on, let me introduce some things about myself. I don’t really do much during the week, other than play Super Smash Bros. for Wii U, browse through social media to find some QUALITY memes, and watch Youtube videos. That pretty much screams an indoor person. I never liked the outdoors, mainly because the area I live in, isn’t as exciting as like I don’t know, Florida(?). Anyway, in my opinion, it isn’t “fun” here. There’s like a few “squares” with some stores, and some mediocre malls. I have some mentality issues that I haven’t overcome yet (still working on it), and usually determines how my day is going to go. I’ll probably go more in depth on mentality in a later post. I’m pretty shy and sort of an introvert. I don’t have that much interests in social interaction, but I’ve been getting a little bit better. Usually, it takes me at the very least a week, very most a whole month, to get used to new people. Oh I almost forgot, the “Geru” tag/name. So my name is actually Geri, but I was given the nickname “Geru” by my friends last year. My friend that I’ll just put as the name “GC”, called me Geru because of the location Gerudo Valley, from the Legend of Zelda series. I hated it at first, but all my friends adapted it so I pretty much got used to it and I love it.

I don’t really have anything else to talk about so I guess I’ll end it here. The blog will be personally designed as time goes on. I haven’t created a schedule for when I’m going to post, so for now, I will be posting whenever I feel like it or I have actual interesting topics to discuss.  If you actually care about this blog for whatever reason, give a follow(?). Or at least I think that’s how it works here. AGAIN, I’M ALSO A BEGINNER AT THIS LOL. If you have any questions or topics to discuss, just look at my contacts and tell me there. This is me, signing out till the next blog. Hope you stop by again and enjoy! :]

-Geri

Some possible upcoming topics (not guaranteed to be published posts):

-Mentality

-More details about myself

-My love for Super Smash Bros.

-The very few things I do when I actually go outside LOL.